From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett composed Iffy proposition, a column concerning chancing to bring arbitrary rare video games back right into the light. Today, sex as well as physics problems fulfill for a quickie in a strangely acquainted area. From Half-Life to Extinction, welcome to City 17. It’s sleazier below…
Ever before played among those video games where you simply need to stop briefly, grab a Post-It note as well as create “THIS IS NOT A HIGH TEMPERATURE DESIRE” as a calming tip for the following time you require it? Meet Venus Captive, a pornography video game sent out from Russia with love. I would certainly joke concerning it perhaps making even more feeling after downing a container of Vodka, yet that would certainly be affordable. I’m not nevertheless claiming it would not assistance…
Venus Captive is the Georgian Cops of pornography video games—though there’s nearly no sex in it, as well as one of the most visuals scene remains in the introductory. It’s a journey. It’s a problem video game. In some cases it attempts to be much more enthusiastic, as well as those areas are lovable. Beginning to end up however, it’s a video game that’ll have you blinking at the display till rips stream down your face. Venus Captive pitches its camping tent because best bad-game barrier area where the developers showed up to have excitement yet still made… well… this.
Below’s the trailer for Venus Captive, though I would certainly hold fire for the minute given that it does distribute a great deal of the video game, without in fact providing any type of suggestion of what the honored point in fact is. It’s a relatively brief video game.
It starts with a young boy as well as a woman. His name is Jack, hers is Unidentified. A minimum of, in the arbitrary web conversation that begins the video game off. Jack just visits his computer system, as well as this takes place. This or a Memory Accessibility Infraction collision, anyhow. (That takes place a whole lot.)
Currently, I’m no specialist at on the internet dating or anything—attempted it when, quit after an appealing collection of exchanges finished with “I would certainly enjoy to assemble, yet I determined today I’m relocating to Norway :-(“—yet this appears to have a couple of caution lights. A confidential lady/gentlemean get in touches with you, currently understands where you live, as well as intends to assemble in a barren component of community where evacuees choose to leave that he/she understands is 15 mins away?
This is most likely not an arranged date worth making, unless your proclivity is being burglarized as well as left in a ditch. And also if it is, hi there, I’m not evaluating. I’m simply claiming that if I ever before purchase you a brand-new schedule for Xmas, I’ll be providing you the web pages on a month-by-month basis to prevent being inefficient.
When I state this is a both barren component of community as well as City 17, I am not joking.
After a fast tutorial in the art of relocating, choosing points up, as well as uncovering among 6 attractive postcards, the strange lady jumps forward. Her name is Mila, she has busts that frequently move like water balloons filled with custard, as well as if that seems like an un-gentlemanly monitoring, it’s absolutely nothing contrasted to our Jack.
As quickly as she tips up, his eyes bang right to her feet as well as as much as obtain the complete authorizing photo, as well as he invests the following couple of mins with them secured snugly on her behind. Most likely not attempting to check out the sticker label on her appropriate butt. Which claims Ice-Iceberg.
No suggestion why. Possibly in honour of the first trip of the Assanic.
Mila welcomes Jack to a close-by apartment or condo possessed by among her good friends, which she assures is vacant, as well as asks if he would certainly such as some coffee. He claims that he would certainly, yet it ends up that what she in fact indicated was sex.
We do not figure out if Jack was dissatisfied concerning this, or if there was a fast conversation concerning perhaps bulging to at the very least obtain some tea-bags or something. I’m simply claiming, that if coffee is supplied, it just appears practical that coffee be given. Instantaneous, if needed. Yet no, there is no coffee. Neither will certainly the assured coffee ever before show up, unless it remains in a secret location I really did not locate. Like a cabinet.
Sex over (which is parched job, as well as an excellent factor for assured coffee to be given), both put in the time to obtain clothed as well as collapse in post-coital afterglow happiness… for one reason or another, Jack hanging over the side of the bed, regardless of it being a fairly comfy-looking dual. From this, we need to presume that something took place beyond, possibly Jack’s weak bladder ruining the state of mind.
Anyhow, it goes to this factor that a gimp with a baseball bat turns up.
Unusual no one reasonable sufficient not to make sex-dates with confidential unfamiliar people online, yet coming as a little a shock to Jack, he awakens in a shabby secured area with his clothing on, yet no suggestion what simply took place.
There’s a bed. A TELEVISION. A safety electronic camera. And also a video cassette recorder maintaining a motif that this video game was neither configured neither based upon anything from the present centuries.
With the door securely secured as well as nearly absolutely nothing in the area in fact interactive, certainly the only point to do is appear the video as well as see if it has any type of responses.
And Also it does, if the concern is “What type of monster could be masterminding a kidnapping similar to this?” so the response can be “Jigsaw, with boobs.”
“Invite to our program!” claims the lady, Stella, “If you’re an excellent young boy, I’ll behave to you.” She after that provides him his very first of several twisted jobs… to fix the bed in the area by piling blocks under it.
Is this a fetish I’m not familiar with? Exist websites available dedicated to totally clothed individuals carrying out ordinary jobs, for individuals that’d like to watch voyeurism porn, but are concerned about being smote from on-high with a lightning bolt?
Or maybe it’s how dominatrices get started. After intensive training they’ll be ready to have people lick their boots or whatever, but to start with it’s all “Oh yes. Reprogram that video recorder, you bad boy…” and “Help me unpack my shopping, loathsome worm.”
Stacking some bricks under a bed that’s not simply broken but actively levitating seems to please Stella though, and she shows up in person to… uh… something rapey. Jack blacks out a couple of times, with the conversation limited pretty much to “Who are you? Where is Mila?” “My name is Stella. Forget about her. Or am I not good enough for you?” And so on and so on.
Without wanting to ruin the story, Stella is in charge of what’s going on here, and yes, she wears that outfit for the entire game. Now, part of running your own business/snuff porn empire is getting to wear whatever you like, even if it means taking Casual Friday to a whole new level. Floss bikini and knee-high boots can’t be comfortable though, especially when handling the admin side. Performance evaluations are awkward enough at the best of times, and after an afternoon at a desk, that G-String is going to rise high enough to take a whole team of hook-handed proctologists to get back out.
Now, if Stella enjoys wearing that outfit to work, fair enough. As a modern businesswoman, that is obviously her choice. It does seem rather a spring/autumn kind of sluttiness though, with summer likely to spoil the effect every time she sticks into her chair, and winter meaning all the chafing. But I’m sure she’s considered that, and brought in suitable alternatives. In winter for instance, maybe she still comes to work in an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie bikini, but couples it with a big pair of furry thermal underpants. After all, no sense risking all-out pneumonia if you can get away with merely freezing your tits off.
Introductory probable-unconscious-raping over with, Stella departs, leaving Jack a note under the door so that he has something to look forward to when she returns. That note… says this…
A toy? Well, toys are fun? Right? Right?
Oh, no, you misunderstand. Those … weren’t for what it is, prostate-quivering as the idea is. No, it’s for what happens next. Obviously, Jack decides that ‘escape’ is a good thing to try at this point. And how do you escape? Glad you asked. You escape by picking up the motorised dildo…
And ripping down the naughty poster on the wall…
And busting through it with the dildo…
To escape to here…
To clarify. Yes. The first puzzle in the game is using a motorised dildo to literally fuck your way into the villain’s back passage. This is a thing that happens in a game that exists and is real.
Now you see why the Post-It note comes in handy?
At this point, Venus Hostage becomes a lot tamer—a puzzle game that only compares to the likes of Portal in that they’re completely incomparable. None of the puzzles require any brainpower at all. The first, in this corridor, involves the path being blocked by one of those electric-wires-in-water-puddle affairs that are far more common in games than anywhere else. The solution is to pick up a hammer lying just next to an electrical box, smash it open, and use a lever also sitting right next to it to switch off the power. It’s a puzzle only in the sense that you might be held up for a moment figuring there has to be more to it.
Another thrilling puzzle? Here’s a sewer that you have to get through. Yes, a sewer. Everyone’s favourite gaming location since 1987. Our hero refuses to go near the rat on the right, and in fairness it’s massive , though he’s OK with diving under the surface of the water to look for stuff. The solution is to spray it with steam from a pipe. But how? It’s tricky, so I’ve marked the location of the item you need.
This section is followed by a platforming jaunt around a slum full of burning barrels not apparently put there by anyone, where you use a toilet plunger to remove the grate from an air duct. Again, this actually happens.
Venus Hostage then temporarily gets back to its porny routes, as the building at the end of the street conveniently turns out to be where Mila is also being kept prisoner, handcuffed topless to a bed in front of a video camera. This seems a little… well… mild for these guys, whoever they are, so presumably we just stumbled into their Dailymotion “Slightly Too Hot For YouTube” division.
Jack comes to the rescue by knocking the gimp out with the baseball bat. “So… looks like you’re a prisoner too, just like me,” he comments. “Well, hello Captain Obvious,” snaps Mila, and while I can’t show it, the close-up of her torso is truly hilarious. Bad artists will often just take two big lumps and weld them onto a female character because they don’t know how breasts actually work, but this looks distinctly like a retexture of her model from when she was wearing a shirt and bra earlier on. Complete with a surgery type scar where the cloth was earlier that’s visible at least when she’s lying down.
Jack is utterly oblivious to this though, simply telling her “I’m going back to that den, to finish it all,” with Mila having to suggest that he… y’know… free her first. As if realising “Oh, yeah, I should probably do that,” he does so, and they have a kiss, and then he runs off to unleash his vengeance.
But first, videogames!
Yes, for some bizarre reason this game has a room off to one side with a working games console, and two games: a Tetris clone that doesn’t even go for a GAG-style pornography spoof…
…and a top-down shooter where you play a cowboy in the desert, shooting camels. It’s like stumbling on something Jeff Minter wrote for the money back in the ’80s that’s been kept for blackmail material.
Having now had, to use the traditional parlance, ‘enough of this shit’, Jack goes on the warpath. Outside, two goons sit around discussing the runaway, which doesn’t spare one of them from being bashed with a pipe and the other killed by… yes, really… having an oven dropped on his head, Looney Tunes-style. Others aren’t so lucky. Why? Two words. Shotgun. And, er, blancmange, I guess.
Against the odds, it’s not the worst shooter action ever… mostly because it’s among the shortest. You kill about four guys, all with blancmange where their brains should be. (See? Worked it in!)
This is more or less the end of the game, and if it seemed pointless… it now turns out that the entire journey has been one big loop back to the room where Jack started. And as if the whole “City 17” thing hasn’t been lingering over the whole game so far, guess what he finds when he returns there?
Upstairs is the heart of Stella’s business, on the grounds that everyone involved with this game now appears to be totally bored. First up comes the server room, and while I’m no expert on the internet requirements of snuff-porn, this many servers seems a little excessive.
Of course, she’s not just going to stand about and let you dismantle her empire. Well, not quite. She shows up along with another gimp, and demands “Why is it so hard to get rid of you?” The answer of course is “Because your empire is spread over a city block, you have a staff of about 10 guys to cover it, and the last time you tried involved you turning your back on me while within arms reach and with my penis up your poop-hole. Frankly you’re lucky I didn’t just grab your neck in an armlock and squeeze until you passed out while thinking ‘Wow, this was a really dumb plan I had today!'”
But you don’t get to shout that. Still, I do believe this is Final Boss Time.
He’s described in the game as a “Sectarian” incidentally. I’m assuming they meant ‘cultist’.
Epic battle time? Epic battle time!
Haha, not really. You push the servers over, domino-style, and he’s down instantly. Upstairs, Stella just sneers. “What are you going to do with me?” she demands. “Handcuff me to the bed and spank me?”
Brer Rabbit would be proud though, because while the handcuff thing specifically probably isn’t the greatest idea for someone who’s likely to just end up trapped in an empty building if her backup plan works, this puts Stella in a position to grab a gun from under the sheets and take aim at Jack as he formats her PC and thus her empire… or something. She aims! A shot rings out!
Mila shows up out of nowhere to save the day. Or does she?! Because instead of dropping the gun after killing Stella, she instead just spins to point it at Jack.
Bad animation? The writer finally remembering that she was the one who dragged him into this in the first place, and therefore had to either be part of it or know the people involved in some way? It’s not entirely clear, or indeed, slightly transparent.
It’s probably not a good thing though, because when we next see Jack it’s with him sitting in a dark room, with Mila on a television grinning “You know, I kind of liked the idea of this freakin’ show.”
So… uh. Yeah. The entire game was essentially a pointless trek to get back to exactly the same place, which was a very silly place indeed.
That’s not quite the end of the game, though. It is, yet heading back to the Main Menu there’s now the option to click on a CD labelled “Not included in the game.” Doing so features a wordless short sequence of Jack apparently going on a date with a girl who accidentally forgot to change out of her nightie in the morning. Easy mistake to make, I guess.
It serves no apparent purpose, she’s never seen in the actual game, as well as I don’t see any connection to anying. Is this Jack’s new life as a recruiter for the show? A flashback to better days? An alternate Mila? A bit of music they figured they’d better use? I have no idea. Nor do I care.
What a strange, strange video game that was.
Yet an endearingly weird one at least.
And also mercifully brief.